Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

by Becky Kennedy

Overview

INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

An Instant Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and Indie Bestseller

“This book is for any parent who has ever struggled under the substantial weight of caregiving—which is to say, all of us. Good Inside is not only a wise and practical guide to raising resilient, emotionally healthy kids, it’s also a supportive resource for overwhelmed parents who need more compassion and less stress. Dr. Becky is the smart, thoughtful, in-the-trenches parenting expert we’ve been waiting for!”—Eve Rodsky, New York Times bestselling author of Fair Play and Find Your Unicorn Space

Dr. Becky Kennedy, wildly popular parenting expert and creator of @drbeckyatgoodinside, shares her groundbreaking approach to raising kids and offers practical strategies for parenting in a way that feels good.

Over the past several years, Dr. Becky Kennedy—known to her followers as “Dr. Becky”—has been sparking a parenting revolution. Millions of parents, tired of following advice that either doesn’t work or simply doesn’t feel good, have embraced Dr. Becky’s empowering and effective approach, a model that prioritizes connecting with our kids over correcting them.

Parents have long been sold a model of childrearing that simply doesn’t work. From reward charts to time outs, many popular parenting approaches are based on shaping behavior, not raising humans. These techniques don’t build the skills kids need for life, or account for their complex emotional needs. Add to that parents’ complicated relationships with their own upbringings, and it’s easy to see why so many caretakers feel lost, burned out, and worried they’re failing their kids. In Good Inside, Dr. Becky shares her parenting philosophy, complete with actionable strategies, that will help parents move from uncertainty and self-blame to confidence and sturdy leadership.

Offering perspective-shifting parenting principles and troubleshooting for specific scenarios—including sibling rivalry, separation anxiety, tantrums, and more—Good Inside is a comprehensive resource for a generation of parents looking for a new way to raise their kids while still setting them up for a lifetime of self-regulation, confidence, and resilience.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780063159488
Publisher:	HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date:	09/13/2022
Pages:	336
Sales rank:	4,491
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 9.10(h) x 1.20(d)

About the Author

Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist and mom of three, recently named “The Millennial Parenting Whisperer” by TIME Magazine, who’s rethinking the way we raise our children. She specializes in thinking deeply about what’s happening for kids and translating these ideas into simple, actionable strategies for parents to use in their homes. Dr. Becky's goal is to empower parents to feel sturdier and more equipped to manage the challenges of parenting.

Table of Contents

Introduction ix

Part I Dr. Becky's Parenting Principles

Chapter 1 Good Inside 3

Chapter 2 Two Things Are True 13

Chapter 3 Know Your Job 27

Chapter 4 The Early Years Matter 39

Chapter 5 It's Not Too Late 51

Chapter 6 Resilience > Happiness 61

Chapter 7 Behavior Is a Window 71

Chapter 8 Reduce Shame, Increase Connection 85

Chapter 9 Tell the Truth 95

Chapter 10 Self-Care 105

Part II Building Connection and Addressing Behaviors

Chapter 11 Building Connection Capital 119

Chapter 12 Not Listening 141

Chapter 13 Emotional Tantrums 149

Chapter 14 Aggressive Tantrums (Hitting, Biting, Throwing) 157

Chapter 15 Sibling Rivalry 169

Chapter 16 Rudeness and Defiance 179

Chapter 17 Whining 187

Chapter 18 Lying 195

Chapter 19 Fears and Anxiety 203

Chapter 20 Hesitation and Shyness 211

Chapter 21 Frustration Intolerance 219

Chapter 22 Food and Eating Habits 227

Chapter 23 Consent 237

Chapter 24 Tears 245

Chapter 25 Building Confidence 251

Chapter 26 Perfectionism 259

Chapter 27 Separation Anxiety 267

Chapter 28 Sleep 275

Chapter 29 Kids Who Don't Like Talking About Feelings (Deeply Feeling Kids) 285

Conclusion 295

Acknowledgments 299

Index 305

Editorial Reviews

06/20/2022

Psychologist Kennedy, better known as Instagram’s Dr. Becky, brings her advice to the page in her encouraging debut on how parents can “do better on the outside and feel better on the inside.” She makes a solid case that self-development and child development go hand in hand, and to help readers accomplish both, she lays out 10 parenting principles she lives by. These include the belief that all children are good, that resilience is more important than happiness, and that telling the truth is key to having a strong connection with one’s kids. Then come some strategies for increasing “closeness in a parent-child relationship,” with a focus on behavior issues: validating the intensity of a child’s feelings (“your upset is as big as this whole street!”) can help with tantrums, for example, while talking to a child about their feelings can ease separation anxiety, and recording a reassuring message on a “comfort button” kids can press can calm sleep worries. Kennedy’s points that it’s key to really understand a child and that one-on-one time goes a long way are well delivered, and the book is flush with useful ideas—so much so that end-of-chapter summaries would have been a helpful addition. Frustrated parents will find this well worth their time. (Sept.)

Publishers Weekly

Dr. Becky is profoundly changing the way we parent our kids and the way we parent ourselves. Her innovative work shows parents how to challenge inherited beliefs and behaviors and shift the paradigm of how we understand family dynamics. Her work is proof that we can be the parents we want to be—and that we are all good inside."  — Gabby Bernstein, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Universe Has Your Back

"Dr. Becky teaches parents that the foundation of child-rearing is building a solid relationship with their child and offering themselves grace along the way. Captivating and timely, Good Inside is a book parents can turn to at every stage of development, from infancy to adulthood, to continue building connection with their kids." — Nedra Tawwab, New York Times bestselling author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace

"Parenting is the most important job we’ll ever have and the one we get the least training for, so we tend to follow what our parents did—which, often, wasn’t great. Emphasizing connection first, Dr. Becky offers a new way to parent, sharing clear advice and examples for setting boundaries with love and compassion. Good Inside is the book I wish I'd had when I was raising my kids; and I'm so glad they'll have it as they raise theirs." — Richard Schwartz, PhD, founder of Internal Family Systems and author of No Bad Parts

"At a time when parents are sorely lacking in stamina and resources, Dr. Becky's wise words and deep insights offer a treasure trove of practical strategies and essential support. Good Inside is the book we all need right now, and the book that will continue to guide us for years to come." — Reshma Saujani, Founder of Girls Who Code and author of Pay Up

“Warning: reading this book might make you a better parent. Whether you’re struggling to get your toddler to calm down or your teenager to open up, Becky Kennedy is a fountain of wisdom. She strikes the ideal balance between affirming your best instincts and challenging you to rethink your worst reactions.” — Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and host of the TED podcast WorkLife

"Dr. Becky makes a solid case that self-development and child development go hand in hand, and helps readers accomplish both. Flush with useful ideas...parents will find this [book] well worth their time."  — Publishers Weekly

From the Publisher

"Parenting is the most important job we’ll ever have and the one we get the least training for, so we tend to follow what our parents did—which, often, wasn’t great. Emphasizing connection first, Dr. Becky offers a new way to parent, sharing clear advice and examples for setting boundaries with love and compassion. Good Inside is the book I wish I'd had when I was raising my kids; and I'm so glad they'll have it as they raise theirs."

Richard Schwartz

"At a time when parents are sorely lacking in stamina and resources, Dr. Becky's wise words and deep insights offer a treasure trove of practical strategies and essential support. Good Inside is the book we all need right now, and the book that will continue to guide us for years to come."

Reshma Saujani

Dr. Becky is profoundly changing the way we parent our kids and the way we parent ourselves. Her innovative work shows parents how to challenge inherited beliefs and behaviors and shift the paradigm of how we understand family dynamics. Her work is proof that we can be the parents we want to be—and that we are all good inside." 

Gabby Bernstein

"Dr. Becky teaches parents that the foundation of child-rearing is building a solid relationship with their child and offering themselves grace along the way. Captivating and timely, Good Inside is a book parents can turn to at every stage of development, from infancy to adulthood, to continue building connection with their kids."

Nedra Tawwab

Warning: reading this book might make you a better parent. Whether you’re struggling to get your toddler to calm down or your teenager to open up, Becky Kennedy is a fountain of wisdom. She strikes the ideal balance between affirming your best instincts and challenging you to rethink your worst reactions.

Adam Grant

"This book is for any parent who has ever struggled under the substantial weight of caregiving—which is to say, all of us. Good Inside is not only a wise and practical guide to raising resilient, emotionally healthy kids, it's also a supportive resource for overwhelmed parents who need more compassion and less stress. Dr. Becky is the smart, thoughtful, in-the-trenches parenting expert we've been waiting for!"

Eve Rodsky

08/01/2022

Potty-training battles, eating habits, separation anxiety, and sibling rivalry are common parenting woes explored by Kennedy, a clinical psychologist with a private practice dedicated to resolving parenting challenges. Rather than time-outs, sticker charts, or any type of punishment or reward, Kennedy encourages readers to dig in to the child's internal world and view their behavior as a cue for help or need, not an identity. She advocates for a connection—rather than consequence—model of parenting that's centered around viewing a child as "good inside," an idea that may seem, on the surface, to be obvious, yet may not translate into practice for many parents. Kennedy also includes scripts to spark conversation between parent and child on a variety of topics. She explores such issues as looking behind a child's meltdown, combating whining (a little humor goes a long way), and preparing a child to cope with separation or another anxiety they may face. Consent is a critical issue explored in this book. VERDICT The author's choice to base this book on her private practice may limit its audience; nonetheless, the many parents familiar with Kennedy's work will value her suggestions.

Library Journal