Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions, including whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love.
Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how.
This “simple-to-use guide” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You’ll learn:
-What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern)
-What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t)
-How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you)
-How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love)
-How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews)
-Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway)
This “data-driven” (Time), step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.
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|Publisher:||Simon & Schuster|
|Product dimensions:||5.40(w) x 8.10(h) x 0.90(d)|
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Chapter 1: Why Dating Is Harder Now Than Ever Before
- Dating is harder now than ever before. And you can tell your mom I said that.
- Here’s why:
- We define our own identities, unlike our ancestors, whose lives were defined by their communities.
- We have thousands of options at our fingertips, which causes us to question our decisions.
- We’re uncomfortable making big decisions when we can’t research our way to the right answer.
- Social media leads us to believe that everyone else is in healthier, happier relationships than we are.
- Far too few of us have good relationship role models.
- There are far more models for dating and long-term relationships.
- We’re bombarded with messaging that we need to get this decision “right”—and that a right answer exists at all.
- But there’s hope. Using insights from behavioral science, we can take control of our love lives.
Table of Contents
Author's Note ix
Section 1 Getting Ready
Chapter 1 Why Dating Is Harder Now Than Ever Before
How to Understand the Challenges of Modern Dating 9
Chapter 2 The Three Dating Tendencies
How to Discover Your Dating Blind Spots 17
Chapter 3 Disney Lied to Us
How to Overcome the Romanticizer Tendency 23
Chapter 4 Don't Let Perfect Be the Enemy of Great
How to Overcome the Maximizer Tendency 37
Chapter 5 Don't Wait, Date
How to Overcome the Hesitater Tendency 49
Chapter 6 Learn Your Attachment Style
How to Manage Your Attachment Style 65
Chapter 7 Look for a Life Partner, Not a Prom Date
How to Focus on What Matters in a Long-Term Partner 75
Section 2 Getting Out There
Chapter 8 You Think You Know What You Want, but You're Wrong
How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Online Dating 105
Chapter 9 Meet People IRL (In Real Life)
How to Find Love off the Dating Apps 131
Chapter 10 This Is a Date, Not a Job Interview
How to Create Better Dates 149
Chapter 11 F**k the Spark
How to Reject Myths About Instant Chemistry 171
Chapter 12 Go on the Second Date
How to Decide if You Should See Someone Again 179
Section 3 Getting Serious
Chapter 13 Decide, Don't Slide
How to Consciously Navigate Relationship Milestones 199
Chapter 14 Stop Hitching and Stop Ditching
How to Decide if You Should Break Up 211
Chapter 15 Make a Breakup Plan
How to Break Up with Someone 231
Chapter 16 Reframe Your Breakup as a Gain, Not a Loss
How to Overcome Heartbreak 251
Chapter 17 Before You Tie the Knot, Do This
How to Decide if You Should Get Married 267
Chapter 18 Intentional love
How to Build Relationships That Last 279
Critical Conversation Planning Doc 295
Relationship Contract; Self-Reflection Worksheet 299
Relationship Contract 305